10 Grandparent Habits That Turn Grandchildren Off

Let me start with my credentials, because I’m not new to this grandparenting rodeo. I’m 74 years old, I have six kids, a bunch of grandkids, three great‑grandkids, and I’m about to welcome my first great‑great grandchild. At this point, my family tree looks less like a tree and more like a botanical explosion. I’ve lived long enough to know two things:

1. Kids change every generation.

2. Grandparents… usually don’t.

And that’s where the trouble starts.

Over the years, I’ve learned that some of our classic “grandparent habits” — the ones we think are charming, wise, or downright hilarious — can make our grandkids look at us like we just crawled out of a time capsule.

So here are 10 habits that can turn off your grandchildren — and what to do instead, told with the honesty of someone who has made every mistake on this list at least twice.

1. Telling Embarrassing Stories Like They’re Fairy Tales

Grandparents love a good “When you were little…” story. Unfortunately, grandkids do not.

I once told a room full of people about a grandson who used to eat dog food. He did not find this as adorable as I did. He looked at me like I had personally ruined his social life.

What to do instead: Ask permission before sharing. Or stick to stories that make them look heroic, not like a toddler with questionable snack choices.

2. Commenting on Their Appearance Like We’re Fashion Police

We mean well when we say, “You’ve gotten so big!” But to a teenager, that translates to: “You are a giant, and everyone is staring.”

I once told a granddaughter she looked “so grown up,” and she said, “Are you saying I looked weird before?” Kids today can turn any compliment into a therapy session.

What to do instead: Compliment their personality, humor, or talents. Those don’t trigger existential crises.

3. Giving Advice Nobody Asked For

Grandparents are full of wisdom. We’ve survived decades of life, raised children, and lived through fashion trends that should never return.

But kids today don’t always want advice. Sometimes they just want to vent without hearing, “Well, when I was your age…”

I once gave a grandson a 20‑minute lecture on budgeting. He said, “Grandpa, I just wanted to tell you my card got declined at Taco Bell.”

What to do instead: Ask, “Do you want advice or just someone to listen?” If they say “listen,” zip it.

4. Comparing Them to Other Kids Like We’re Hosting a Talent Show

“You’re the smart one.” “You’re the athletic one.” “You’re the one who actually calls me.”

Even positive comparisons can backfire. Kids don’t want to be “the something one.” They want to be themselves.

I once told one grandchild he was “the responsible one,” and another yelled, “So what am I — the irresponsible one?” Well… yes. But I didn’t say it out loud.

What to do instead: Celebrate each kid’s uniqueness. No rankings. This isn’t the Olympics.

5. Ignoring Their Interests Because We Don’t Understand Them

Kids today have hobbies that didn’t exist when we were young. Streaming. Gaming. TikTok dances. Watching other people play video games (still don’t get that one).

But nothing makes a kid feel more loved than a grandparent who tries to understand their world.

One grandson once explained an entire video game plot to me. I understood none of it, but he talked to me for 20 minutes straight — a new family record.

What to do instead: Ask questions. Let them teach you. Pretend you understand. It works.

6. Guilt‑Tripping Them About Calls and Visits

“Remember me? Your grandparent? The one who changed your diapers?” Yeah… don’t do that.

I used to say, “You never call anymore!” Then I realized guilt doesn’t make kids call more — it makes them call less.

What to do instead: Say, “I love hearing from you. Call me when you can.” It’s amazing how much more they reach out when they don’t feel like they’re being summoned to court.

7. Criticizing Their Music, Clothes, or Slang

Kids today dress like they’re going to a thrift‑store fashion show and listen to music that sounds like robots arguing. But criticizing it only makes them shut down.

I once said, “What on earth are you wearing?” My granddaughter replied, “It’s fashion, Grandpa. You wouldn’t get it.” She was right.

What to do instead: Ask what they like about it. You don’t have to love it — just don’t roast it.

8. Giving Too Many Gifts Instead of Time

Grandparents love giving gifts. It’s our love language. But sometimes we go overboard.

One Christmas, I bought so many toys that the kid played with the boxes instead. That’s when I realized: kids don’t need more stuff — they need more us.

What to do instead: Give experiences. A walk. A story. A shared project. A milkshake date. Those memories last longer than plastic toys.

9. Not Respecting Their Privacy

We grew up in a world where privacy meant “your siblings aren’t currently in the room.” Kids today treat privacy like it’s sacred.

Asking too many personal questions, barging into rooms, or snooping can push them away fast.

I once asked a teen grandchild about their love life. The look I got could have frozen lava.

What to do instead: Treat their privacy like you would an adult’s. Respect builds trust — and trust builds connection.

10. Talking Only About “The Good Old Days”

We love our stories. We’ve lived through decades of history, and we’ve earned the right to reminisce. But if every conversation turns into a time‑travel monologue, kids tune out.

I once talked about the 1970s for so long that three grandkids fell asleep and one pretended to.

What to do instead: Balance your stories with questions about their world. Ask about their dreams, their hobbies, their friends, their chaos.

Final Thoughts From a 74‑Year‑Old Who’s Still Learning

Being a grandparent is one of life’s greatest joys — but it’s also a lifelong education. I’ve made mistakes, learned from them, and kept showing up. That’s the real secret.

Kids don’t need perfect grandparents. They need present ones. Ones who listen, laugh, adapt, and love without conditions.

And if you can do that — even imperfectly — your grandkids will keep coming back, not out of obligation, but because they genuinely enjoy you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to rest up. With a great‑great grandchild on the way, I’m going to need all the energy I can get.