72-Year-Old’s Sports with Audacity Idiot Guide
Blog Post: A 72-Year-Old’s Hilarious Crash Course in American Sports (With a Dash of Audacity)
By a Guy Who Thought “Touchdown” Was a Dance Move
I am a older person. I am very active but I have never liked sport. At 72 I am now getting interested in sport. I am primarily interested in Baseball, Basketball, Football and Soccer. Here is my guide I put together a couple of days ago.
At 72, I’ve dodged sports with the audacity of a cat ignoring a bath. Balls flying, sweaty folks yelling—what’s the point? But my grandkids keep jabbering about “home runs” and “slam dunks,” and I’m more lost 7than a sock in a dryer. So, with the audacity of a man who thinks he can still run a 5K, I’m diving into America’s big four—baseball, football, basketball, and soccer—to figure out what’s what. If I can get this, so can you, whether you’re 72 or just clueless. Let’s unravel these games with the basics, a bit of history, and enough humor to keep us from dozing off. Buckle up—it’s gonna be a wild pitch with audacity to spare!
Baseball: America’s Pastime, or Nap-Time?
Origin Story: Baseball’s been called America’s pastime, but it’s not as American as apple pie (which, fun fact, isn’t American either). It evolved from the English game of rounders in the 1800s. Legend says Abner Doubleday invented it in 1839 in Cooperstown, New York, but that’s got the audacity of me claiming I invented the internet. By the 1860s, rules were codified, and the National League formed in 1876, turning it into a pro sport. It’s like if your backyard game of catch got a rulebook and a paycheck.
Basic Rules: Picture a diamond-shaped field—not the sparkly kind, but four bases: first, second, third, and home plate. Two teams of nine players take turns batting and fielding. The pitcher throws a ball, the batter tries to smack it, and if they do, they run the bases to score a “run.” Get three players “out” (caught ball, tagged, or struck out), and teams swap roles. Nine innings later, most runs win. Ties? Extra innings until someone’s arm falls off.
Scoring: Hit the ball, run all four bases, score a run. A home run? That’s when you yeet the ball out of the park—automatic run(s). No points for style, sadly.
Penalties: No yellow cards here. Foul up—like stepping out of the batter’s box too long—and you might get a strike or an out. Cheating (think steroids or sign-stealing) can get you suspended, fined, or booed for life.
Season: April to October, because nobody has the audacity to catch a fastball in a snowstorm. Major League Baseball (MLB) teams play 162 games. That’s not a typo. It’s a marathon.
Playoffs: The top six teams from each league (American and National) make the postseason. Wild Card games kick things off, then Division Series, League Championships, and the World Series—a best-of-seven showdown. It’s like a bake-off, but with bats.
Winning Teams: The New York Yankees have 27 World Series titles, basically the sport’s bullies. The Los Angeles Dodgers and St. Louis Cardinals also stack rings. Recent champs? The Texas Rangers (2023) and Dodgers (2024).
Star Players: Shohei Ohtani’s a unicorn—pitches, hits homers, and probably makes great sushi. Aaron Judge smacks balls into orbit, and Mookie Betts is a human highlight reel.
Why It’s Fun: It’s slow, sure, but there’s strategy in every pitch. Plus, hot dogs and heckling—what’s not to love? Just don’t fall asleep by inning seven.
Football: Controlled Chaos with Helmets
Origin Story: American football stumbled out of rugby and soccer in the 1860s. The first game was in 1869—Rutgers vs. Princeton, more like a brawl than a sport. Walter Camp, the “Father of Football,” gave it structure in the 1880s with downs and the line of scrimmage. The NFL formed in 1920, and by the 1950s, TV made it a national obsession. It’s like if gladiators had the audacity to demand sponsorships.
Basic Rules: Two teams of 11 players battle on a 100-yard field with goalposts at each end. The offense tries to move the ball—run it or pass it—while the defense tackles them into next week. You get four downs (tries) to gain 10 yards. Succeed? New downs. Fail? Punt or pray. Games last four 15-minute quarters, but with timeouts and commercials, it’s a three-hour saga.
Scoring: Touchdown (ball in the end zone) is six points, followed by an extra point kick (one point) or two-point conversion (rarer). Field goals—kicking through goalposts—are three points. A safety (tackling the offense in their own end zone) nets two for the defense. Sounds simple, but it’s like chess with concussions.
Penalties: Flags fly for everything—offsides (jumping early), holding (hugging too tight), or pass interference (mugging a receiver). Penalties cost yards or downs, and refs love the spotlight. Egregious fouls? Fines or ejection.
Season: September to February, perfect for couch-potato hibernation. The NFL’s 32 teams play 17 games each, because 16 wasn’t brutal enough.
Playoffs: Twelve teams qualify—six per conference (AFC and NFC). Wild Card round, Divisional round, Conference Championships, and the Super Bowl, a single game where ads cost more than my house. It’s a cultural holiday with wings and heartbreak.
Winning Teams: The New England Patriots and Pittsburgh Steelers each have six Super Bowls, but the Patriots’ dynasty feels like it lasted my entire childhood. Recent winners? Kansas City Chiefs (2023, 2024).
Star Players: Patrick Mahomes throws lasers and probably dreams in playbooks. Josh Allen’s a tank who hurdles defenders, and Travis Kelce catches passes while dating pop stars (allegedly).
Why It’s Fun: It’s a war game with timeouts. Every play’s a puzzle, and the hits? Oof. Just don’t bet on your team covering the spread.
Basketball: Tall People, Tiny Hoops
Origin Story: Dr. James Naismith invented basketball in 1891 in Springfield, Massachusetts, nailing peach baskets to a gym wall. Genius, right? By the 1900s, colleges played it, and the NBA formed in 1946. It went from a YMCA experiment to global domination faster than my hairline receded.
Basic Rules: Five players per team on a court, two hoops, one ball. Dribble or pass to move, shoot to score. Games have four 12-minute quarters (NBA). Overtime if tied—five extra minutes, repeat until someone wins. It’s like a dance-off, but with more elbows.
Scoring: Shoot in the hoop—two points inside the three-point line, three beyond it. Free throws (after fouls) are one point each. Dunking’s just showing off, but it counts the same.
Penalties: Fouls galore—hitting, shoving, or breathing too hard on someone. Personal fouls lead to free throws; rack up six, and you’re benched. Technical fouls (yelling at refs) cost points and possession. Flagrant fouls? You’re outta here.
Season: October to June, because indoor sports laugh at weather. NBA teams play 82 games, which feels like a part-time job.
Playoffs: Sixteen teams—eight per conference (East and West). Best-of-seven series through four rounds: First Round, Conference Semifinals, Conference Finals, and the NBA Finals. It’s a grind, like binge-watching a season of pain.
Winning Teams: The Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers each have 17 titles, duking it out like old rivals at a buffet. Recent champs? Denver Nuggets (2023), Boston Celtics (2024).
Star Players: LeBron James is 40 and still a freight train. Nikola Jokić passes like a magician, and Stephen Curry shoots from the parking lot with a smile.
Why It’s Fun: It’s fast, flashy, and full of “did-he-just-do-that?” moments. Plus, sneakers squeak like a symphony. Warning: you might try dunking at home and regret it.
Soccer: Kicking It, American Style
Origin Story: Soccer’s ancient—think China 2,000 years ago—but modern rules came from England in 1863. In the U.S., it lagged behind baseball and football until the 1990s, when the MLS launched (1996). The 1999 Women’s World Cup win sparked “soccer mania,” but it’s still the underdog here. Think of it as football’s chill cousin.
Basic Rules: Eleven players per team, one ball, two goals. Kick or head the ball to score; no hands unless you’re the goalkeeper. Matches are 90 minutes—two 45-minute halves—with extra time for ties in some cases. It’s simple but exhausting, like chasing a toddler.
Scoring: Ball in the net, one goal. No bonus points for flair, though players act like they deserve an Oscar.
Penalties: Fouls (tripping, pushing) give free kicks or penalty kicks (if in the box). Yellow cards warn you; two yellows or a red card, and you’re sent off, leaving your team shorthanded. Refs are basically grumpy babysitters.
Season: MLS runs March to October, dodging NFL’s shadow. Teams play 34 games, which sounds light but feels eternal with all the running.
Playoffs: Eighteen teams make the MLS Cup Playoffs. Play-in matches, best-of-three first round, then single-elimination quarters, semis, and the MLS Cup final. It’s like a tournament bracket your bracket-loving nephew obsesses over.
Winning Teams: LA Galaxy have five MLS Cups, with D.C. United and Columbus Crew at four. Recent winners? Columbus Crew (2023), New York City FC (2021).
Star Players: Lionel Messi’s in Miami, bending free kicks like it’s art. Cucho Hernández scores screamers, and Diego Rossi’s speed leaves defenders crying.
Why It’s Fun: It’s non-stop, with goals rarer than my good knees, so when they happen, it’s pandemonium. Plus, you can chant without knowing the words.
Wrapping It Up: Sports Aren’t So Scary
At 72, I thought sports were just noise and nonsense, but they’re stories—strategy, sweat, and a bit of magic. Baseball’s a slow burn with big moments. Football’s a battlefield with timeouts. Basketball’s a sprint with style. Soccer’s a marathon with drama. Each has its season, its stars, and its way of hooking you. Whether it’s the Yankees’ swagger, Mahomes’ miracles, LeBron’s legacy, or Messi’s magic, there’s something for everyone. So, grab a seat, maybe a beer, and cheer with the audacity of a newbie who doesn’t know the score. You might not get it all, but you’ll laugh—and that’s a win.